Midsem Disaster

It was my first examination in IIT, the mid semester exams. One and half months had gone by in a jiffy. Exams were a reality again, and I had to go through it painfully. Post graduation in IIT, i felt, is an exercise at gaining knowledge rather than just about exams. The recently concluded mid semester exam has created a radical shift in my perception.

I had taken four courses for the semester. The load seems to be well balanced, apart from the occasional slogging in lab. The classes were all phenomenal, being taught by stalwarts in the respective fields. The mid semester exams were a tough nut to crack, and I enjoyed, making an effort to crack the questions, but not with much success. However though, there was this one paper, VLSI technology, which was far better than all the other three exams. I had pinned my hopes on the paper for some marks. All my money was on VLSI technology.

Last friday, Oct 1,2010, has all the offerings of being the most important day of my academic life. The scripts for the VLSI technology paper was distributed, and I had managed a meager 32/100. I had huge aspirations of anything above 75/100, and to get less than half of it was like a slap on the face. I could not believe my eyes, as I skimmed through the pages of the scripts. The TA's had done a remarkable job, evaluating the scripts, making sure that most of us bled. I could not believe my eyes, when I saw the answers, which I presumed to be right were marked incorrect with utmost ease. I had to fight it out with a couple of TA's and they offered me an additional 8 marks, taking my tally to 40/100. My conviction still told me, there was another 20 more marks, that I deserved. The TA,whom I knew before hand told me, that my process is difficult to do in a fab, and asked me to do it in any fab and convince him. I had nothing to say to such a heavy headed jerk, who will indeed realize in the long run, the difficulties of trying to get his so called optimized process running in fab. My best wishes to him. To hell with him, I left the place, with a heavy heart, absolutely shattered, and disgusted. I felt as if I lost all my races, and if this was the case with a subject,in which I had practical knowledge, what would happen to other subjects like VLSI design, and physics of devices. My mind was brimming with thoughts and I was at the verge of a break down. My confidence levels were shattered, and I had seen a deep hollow in front of me.

I rang up my mother and told about what had just transpired and I broke down, on the phone, like a little child who had got lost in the road. My mother reassured me, and handed over the phone to my father, who convinced me that failures are stepping stones to success. He asked me to calm down. He knew how to deal with me, during such times of crisis. He had taken me up from deep slumber, one I lost my job with Siemens. He was the one who always motivated me at times of distress, here again he could pacify me. My parents are indeed my pillars of support

My friends who spotted me at a corner crying over the phone, came to me and offered their sympathies. I am grateful to them for their efforts. However, hard I tried to take it in my stride, I could not accept the very fact, and this was fueling more negativity. There was this one friend of mine who gave me this lecture on the importance of being positive, and accepting it as a lesson and move forward. I would say the comments offered were clichéd, which almost everyone knew. The friend went to the extent of calling me a crack, and urged me to be selfish, and move forward. Anyway, all these apart, I have got an appointment with the Professor, who would hopefully help me realize my mistakes and convince me to strive for further excellence.

Looking forward to a traumatic week ahead. Will update soon !!!