October 2009

Dilemma, Chaos, emotional turbulence; October 2009, had me on my toes. I was frustrated, at times distraught, and on most occasions I did not have a convincing reason for the same.

Work Place:

It was not too hectic like the previous month, thanks to numerous equipments which went down. October,'09 witnessed the maximum equipment failures in our lab, and hence my basic work flow had to be stalled. At times I felt bored with nothing to do, and hence used to spend hours before the computer browsing the net, searching for papers, logging into facebook or twitter. My Professor, a true professional, realizing my predicament, directed me to spend more time in the lab assisting the system owners to debug the faulty equipments. I was always looking forward to getting my hands on some high tech equipment. The Plasma Immersion Ion Implanter, as it is called, is my new guinea pig. I am assisting my colleague to sort the issues out with the system.

The last few days of oct'09 was fruitful, I got some interesting results on my solar cell process and hence I was contented. The icing on the cake being, I could convince my professor to a new experiment, which I hope to commence by first week of November.
Perhaps the idle days at the start of this month had made me a bit annoyed and hence frustrated. It seemed to me as if I was directionless. Not knowing what to do next brought in those fears of an impending storm. This anxiety may have eventually transfigured into a chaotic state of mind.The inability to convince myself that Patience, and Optimism are two essential components in research also added to my woes.

At Home:

Oct'09, I had been to Trivandrum twice. Dusshera holidays gave me enough time to plan for a trip home. I had a great time home with my dear ones. Not a speck of dissatisfaction. I came back to IIT on Oct 5, '09. Coming back from home is always an emotional ordeal.
Oct 13, '09 I received a call from home saying that my cousin (not a direct cousin though) had met with an accident at Salem, and passed away.
Sabari was more than cousin to me and my bro. He was our school mate, we used to travel in the same bus, had spend so much time together as kids. He was the one who introduced us to the world of TV video games, he had a 'Balbaro' cricket bat and we used to play with him for so long. In the course of time, we had to go our separate ways, our careers, exams, and all those ensured we couldn't even meet for years. Sitting alone in my hostel room (my roomie went home for diwali), all those images flashed across my mind. I had no one to share my grief with. I was totally down, with tears rolling down my cheek. A state of numbness ensued and the realization that I could not go down to attend the funeral pained me. Two days went by, thinking about the state of mind, the near and dear of his family would be in. I couldn't take it anymore, and I asked my professor whether I could go home for a couple of days, who was more than willing to give me the permission. I called up my dad, and expressed my desire to come down. He too agreed, and finally, I managed a flight via Bangalore to Trivandrum on Oct 16 '09. From the airport, my brother picked me up and we went directly to Sabari's house. I met up with his mother, and she was inconsolable on seeing me. The recollection of the same fills my eyes with tears.
Having spent the next three days visiting Sabari's house, I realized it was time for a some piece of mind. I needed to gather myself, and put my thoughts in perspective. I couldn't go back to Mumbai with so much trauma going through my mind. I had a couple of days up in my sleeve. I spend the last two days of my stay at home with my parents and talking to them really eased me out. My return ticket was scheduled for Oct 21 '09.


Back in Mumbai; From Oct 22, '09 I got deeply involved in my work. I was putting in extra effort to get myself in shape, and my efforts were proving successful. Success is always a receipe for lifting your spirits. A couple of highly successful endeavours lifted my spirits, and here I am blogging about my state of mind.

The Great Indian Search

A week back, I got a message from a friend. It read "I got engaged". Bemused, I rubbished it as one of those prank messages. My logical mind insisted that the veracity be confirmed. Hence I decided to call him. I called him, but he was not answering. I tried again, and the response was the same. After an hour, he called back. I was driving the car. I stopped, and picked up his call. I asked him, "Are u engaged?". He replied,"yes". I asked him to divulge more details, and then we spoke for another ten minutes. The fact of the matter was, he got engaged to a girl, who he knew for quite long(since school). It was a shocking piece of information, because none of his friends, including myself, never heard him mention such a girl or any girl for that matter. My Best wishes to my dear friend.

My brother turned 26, this July.Employed with a multinational networking company, he earns a decent salary. Sounds like a matrimonial ad,doesn't it? My parents have embarked on a mission to find a prospective bride for my brother. The search parameters have been shortlisted, and the search is in its 'beta' stage. A couple of prospective alliances came over, but the ever problematic, astrological match took its toll. The alliances came from relatives and well wishers, and hence technically the search was confined to a restricted 'database'. As the days progress the search will expand to a huge database, and the task more daunting. Yesterday, as part of this exercise, we(me,my bro and mother) had to search for a profile in a matrimonial website. The profile was viewed and it hit the astrological roadblock. We moved on,and performed a search based on the 'parameters' . It yielded, some 1500 profiles,with photos and details. While browsing through various profiles, the thought dawned on me. How do we identify a person for this enormous list, and my brother will have spend the rest of his life with her? It is an extremely complicated search. A whole range of external factors come into the purview. I told my mother about my dilemma and she retorted, "it is indeed a tough job, but there is no other go". I told her not to bother me with this, when my time comes.

I have been a proponent of arranged marriage for some years now. 'Arranged' as per my definition excludes the 'stage managed' arranged marriages (rebellion at home in order to marry the girl/guy whom you loved). This is strictly my personal take on it, and I do not intend to hurt anyone. The tiresome nature of the above mentioned exercise made me wonder, whether I was endorsing the right thing. I still believe, it is the duty of the parents to find the right match for their children. After all, they have earned that right. The first two paragraphs contradicts itself, and it is this contradiction that baffled me. If I go the traditional way, I will have to go through a long search routine, and If I break free of the tradition, the search would be far less 'painful'. Is it that a wiser mind (older mind) takes more time to arrive at a conclusion than a younger mind?

I leave it to you dear readers to post your comments on the same.

However, the search continues...................

Random Thoughts

Many of my friends, during their college days longed for a chance to stay away from home. Many envied the guys who used to stay in hostels. Hostels, as they put it was the ideal place to lead their own life in their own way. It has been an year since graduation, and I still maintain a healthy relation with most of my friends. The voices which always longed for freedom has subsided. The prospect of spending a week at home enthralls them, more than anything. Many are longing for a transfer back to their home town. The reason being "Home Sweet Home".

Over the last one year I have been away from home for over 7 months now. I spend each day thinking of when can I go home and spend some time with my parents. I lost the job at Siemens, the only positive I took from it was, the very fact that I could spend sometime with my parents at home. Might sound preposterous, but i mean it. It was four jobless months, and my parents often bore the brunt of my depression and wild mood swings. They were inspiring, supportive and kept me going. My parents were happy that I was staying with them for so long, after a gap of 3.5 months.

I had an interesting telecon with one of my friend, a practicing lawyer here in Mumbai. He was wondering when can he spend his time doing nothing like those days during our summer vacations in school. Watching movies, reclining on the couch. He plans to write a book and perhaps if it clicks, he would quit his job and spend his time at home on his 'couch'. The message is pretty clear. It is neither laziness, nor love for easy money. It is the longing for those days of 'bliss and solitude' . Those were the days, when we were all free birds. No tensions(except for those exams), no big thoughts, no humongous responsibilities.The thought process, might seem very comfy, or to rephrase, a longing for an easy life with no hard work. It has nothing to do luxury, nor a longing for easy money. The point in contention is that the best days of our life has gone by, and we are all now part of this fiercely competitive world.

My brother has moved to Chennai as part of his job, and I am in Mumbai. My parents have fallen into those category of parents who have both their children away in different places. News of my brother or me coming home for leave makes them happy. After all, I believe these are those little moments of happiness that we as sons or daughters can give our parents.I had some plans for going to Bangalore to visit my friends during the first week of October. My mother asked me, if you can come to Bangalore, why can't you come to Kerala. I was in  dilemma. I had to make a decision. After days of deliberation I decided in favor of my parents.

 I had been home for onam for about ten days. I came back to work at Mumbai, and the very next day I called my parents and told, when shall I come again. Maybe I am home sick or whatever you may call it. Now I have booked my tickets to go home again on the 25th of September for another ten days.  

Yipee!!!Home Sweet Home

 

College Reunion

Dear All,
This is my third mail in a span of one month regarding the reunion. It has been disheartening that some of you didn't even show the courtesy to reply.
'Senti' apart, I wish to remind you that the farewell in all likelihood can take place either on 4th September or 5th September. Will Sent an invitation mail stating the venue and further details by the end of this month.
Hope you are all doing good.
Hope to meet you all soon.

This was the mail I had sent to my batch mates on August 4,2009. The lack of response to my previous mails had coerced me into using the tried and tested methodology, "Senti". The response was far better this time around. Numerous phone calls, group sms 's etc were made to reach out to the 65 odd students of GECB, EC 04-08. The turn out on the d- day was a paltry 16, 15 guys and one girl.

To quote a friend, "Reunions are a forum to show off how much you have attained since graduating". The comment, though debateable, was one of the reason for a lower turnout; other being the busy work schedule. My frustration over the minimal attendance, has resulted in me starting on a negative note.

September,4,2009.

I spoke to couple of my friends enquiring whether they would turn up. I ended every call on the same note, "even if nobody turns up, we can meet, after all it has been an year".

September,5,2009

Kanakakkunnu Palace, Trivandrum was the proposed venue. The scheduled time was 12.30pm. I reached the place at 12.40pm, late as always. I parked my bike and walked to the palace, and on the way, I met four of them. We got together, the chatting and the pleasentaries ensued. We were waiting for the rest of the lot (though we were not sure who all would be coming). One by one they started trickling in, and the attendance crossed my anticipation of 10. There were more coming and finally we were 16. A sense of achievement dawned on me. This number was far beyond my expectation.We spent some time at the palace grounds talking about our work, hair loss and weight loss (I seriously believe hair loss is an issue intriguing the younger generation now).

Time was flying by and we were hungry. We had to decide on a place. Sindhoor palace, came up, but was rejected. Taj, Park Rajadhani too came up, but was rejected too. We wanted to be in a place where all of us could sit together and eat. Going for a buffet would mean just the opposite. After lot of discussion we decided to move to Hotel Indrapuri, at Vazhuthacaud.

At Indrapuri we demanded that we could all sit together. They agreed to make the necessary arrangements. Little did we expect them to arrange a table in the 'BAR'. We were confused on whether to take the place or not. There were objections to the idea, but we could convince them quite easily. Ramya, the lone girl, and many others perhaps had their first experience of having lunch from a Bar.(Reminds me of the words from Malyatoor's Verukal, "Pattar pattapakal patta adichu!!!"). Ordering the food was next on the agenda and Jikku took the onus. He would shout the name of the dish and we would raise our hands like school children. It was more than half an hour before the food was served. We had lots to talk about, and finally the food arrived. It was already 2.30pm and we ate like pigs. We had finished our meal, and ordered juices. Then came, Vivek, who had took the effort of driving all the way from Kollam to Trivandrum just to attend this reunion. Kudos to his commitment.
We settled the bill and moved out. At the exit we posed for more photos, bid farewell and left the hotel.

This was a reunion which may serve as a launching pad for more such reunions in the coming years. We had delibrated on the feasibilty of a yearly reunion, but nothing came of it. One keynote about reunions is, it can be an ice breaker. It can act a forum wherein our old grudges can be laughed off. Over the years we may get more busy with our work and stuff, but the fact remains that the memories can't fade off. I am looking forward to arranging more such reunions in the upcoming years.

Time for a Revamp??

This is an excerpt from the letter I have sent to an uncle of mine, who is a senate member at Kerala University. I need you to comment on it, raise your opinion on the same. Put in your thoughts for revamping the system.
"

Hello Uncle,

I am currently at IITB and my stint here has left me pondering on the flaws in the system back home in Kerala. I would like to bring to your notice two very important facets of the students across various Universities in India(Kerala being an exception)

1) The students across universities like Mumbai,Pune etc have the provision of 3 month internships at various places of their choice

2) Our syllabus is more focused on giving tidbits of information on a plethora of subjects, and hence the fundamentals are often compromised for. My syllabus for engineering covered such a wide range of topics, ranging from electronics and communication systems. I can't claim expertise on either.

This is not just a one off opinion, I guess many students would vouch for the same.

I think the time is ripe for fine tuning the technical education system in Kerala.Changing the syllabus every five years will do no good. Our syllabus doesn't even incorporate the latest trends in the field of technology like nanoelectronics etc while many private universities are offering dual degree programs on the same.

I can suggest some valid points on the same. Most of the companies spend huge chunks of cash for training the new recruits. A plausible alternative could be,the recruit should be given a 3 month internship with the company,which could double as a training as well as an academic requirement.

Being a senate member at the Kerala University, I believe you can take up this cause and go for a wider discussion regarding the same in the senate."

Swine Flu!!!

There has been too much talk regarding this over the last few days. The media frenzy on one side, and the indiscriminate comments from the Union Health Minister fueling the tension in the air. Lot has been talked about. Websites, and media trying to rope in on the chaos to earn extra bucks.,the mask dealers selling the masks at exorbitant rates, exemplifies the commercialization of calamities.

The rate at which the disease is spreading is indeed alarming. Instead of insisting on basic first aid, the Government should enact some law, that prohibits mass assembly of people. An air borne disease is impossible to control, until you eliminate the chances of contamination. It is my best guess that government is trying their very best to downplay this, in order to eliminate mass panic. (As I type this, I can hear people coughing!!!). The efforts of the government is undermined by the media, who has done a great deal to spread mass panic. I could see many people wearing face masks and covering their face with handkerchief, not to mention that it doesn't help, but in creates more insecurity to the people around.

One interesting fact is, more people die of hunger, cardiac arrest, dengue fever, malaria etc. Neither the media, nor the government's around the world has taken concerted measures to tackle these. I have downplayed the rapid emergence of health clubs over the last few years. Since it is the lower class who is at the receiving end, the media too is not bothered. This neglected lot have no voices, and the deaths do not even get reported.

An alarming trend is emerging in this modern world. The profit or long term benefits is what keeps one going. The misfortune of one is a route to another man's fortune. The medical industry has been thriving on this for sometime. There are unreported incidents of hospitals, performing needless operations on patients to thwart money. One can't blame the doctor for it. If he doesn't achieve his "business" target, he will be fired. Am I being a socialist? Yes, I maybe one, but I am not a communist. I have started believing in collaborative growth. A process wherein the standard of living is improved for all. A marginal improvement would mean a lot to the needy and hungry.

Flu or no flu, I hope the media and the government realizes that many people lose their lives owing to the hunger, malaria etc. The idea of a collaborative growth should take the center stage in this modern world. There has to be a sea change in our attitude. Think over it. Be an agent of change!!!

PS:
I don't know whether any flu virus has gone into my body. I despise going to hospitals.

"We are not Friends, We are known by an institution"

Much needed revival for my dwindling creativity. Thanks to my buddy's gtalk status message. Weekend's in Mumbai has been a harrowing experience. Spending the weekends in the confines of the walls of your hostel room made it worse. Last week was an exception. I called upon my schoolmates to come over to IIT campus. Sandeep Mathew Jolly, Bimal, Varun and Kiran; they came and we went to various parts of mumbai including the 'hot spot', Bandra-Worli sea link. I don't intend to elaborate on this weekend experience, but on certain subtleties that cropped during our chit chat sessions.

• "It is always a heartening experience, spending time with Loyolites", said Jolly.

Yes, It was indeed one hell of an experience.This brings me back to the point in contention, are we known by our institution? Are we not friends?
Loyola was the heaven that brought as all together. The emotional bonding between loyolites is so deep rooted that we never think of as friends, but 'Loyolite'. Any Loyolite can vouch for this fact. No matter how far we are, We always bear the same affection we had during our school days. A trivial word like friend can never summarize this association.

• "It has been quite sometime since we ran", said Kiran

Yes he was right. I guess maybe way back in school. A stark deviation from the title. Kiran, Jolly and Varun started running along the worli sea face, stating this reason. Lazy as always, me and Bimal waited and watched the scene. A stark realization of the fact that our childhood days are up. Of course, they were gasping for breath and hence we got three bottles of Mineral Water, and one bottle of Gatorade, and took rest for 15 minutes. It makes me wonder, are we losing the never ending battle with time.

• Sitting at Nariman Point facing the sea, we were talking about investments, career goals and stuff.

Our chitchats have outgrown those days of trivialities (were they????) to more serious issues like investments, career prospects and future. Don't conclude that we are a group of gay morons!!!.

It was indeed a memorable day in my life, and perhaps the best weekend I had. Of course, the day ended on a bad note for me. I couldn't get down at my station, owing to the crowded train even at 11pm on a Sunday. Had to shell out 50Rs to the rickshaw walla to take me back to campus.

PS:
We have decided to meet at least once a month. Muhahahaha!!!!!!!!!